By the time we got to woodstock
We were half a million strong
And everywhere there was song and celebration
And I dreamed I saw the bombers
Riding shotgun in the sky
And they were turning into butterflies
Above our nation
We are stardust
Billion year old carbon
We are golden
Caught in the devils bargain
And weve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden
~ Joni Mitchell
Lately, I can’t stop listening to this song…
So very cool. I want all of them. History Shots
I’m such a bad blogger. Add to it that I have no camera, so blogging isn’t holding too much excitement for me these days.
The trees are quite glorious right now and it is so pretty outside that this takes the sting of my garden freezing away. If only a little.
Brilliant oranges, yellows and reds.
This picture wasn’t taken in Missoula, but it may well have been.
So, for the past couple of days I have been studying my French and conjugating myself silly. I love my French class and my French teacher. She is from the island of Guadeloupe and utterly adorable and very sweet.
From Wikipedia:
Guadeloupe is an archipelago located in the eastern Caribbean Sea at 
16°15′N, 61°35′W, with a land area of 1,628 square kilometres (629 sq. mi).[1] It is an overseas department of France. As with the other overseas departments, Guadeloupe is also one of the twenty-six regions of France (being an overseas region) and an integral part of the Republic.
While I study I like to listen to French radio. Lately, it’s been a news station from Paris. France Info.
I forgot to mention the wacky part of my ER experience. Yes, that’s right. It wasn’t all pain, suffering and blockage. The nutty thing that happened is that everyone that I came into contact with, like the nurses and attendings, were either left handed or Virgos or both! And in the case of Sam, the fabulous nurse, he had my birthday. I know it’s hard to believe. You may be asking yourself, “How much morphine did she really have?” But, really, it’s true.
Monday was quite a nice day. I skipped yoga like a bad girl and cleaned my kitchen. I went for a nice long hike as well. Later in the day I went to French class and after it was down stopped at the Good Food store to get some tasty snacks. I came home and started dinner because besides breakfast that morning, I had a itty bitty piece of cheese at the GF store. I made a salad and ate it and as soon as I was done, the pain started. It started around the belly button area and spread outward. Pretty soon I was curled up in a ball holding on to my pillow and moaning. The moaning got louder and the pain of course got worse. The dogs started looking scared and the cats were hiding under the bed. I thought about going to the store. I thought about calling an ambulance. Then I guess there was a point where the thinking stopped and my body went on auto pilot. I grabbed my keys and drove myself to the emergency room.
Once I got there things pretty much fell apart. I remember sobbing and being bent over. I could barely sign the release forms. I could hear myself making lots of noise which bothered me but I couldn’t help it. Sam the nurse came out to talk to me and as soon as the words, “What did you eat today.” came out of his mouth, I knew I was going to be sick. I ran to the bathroom where I was violently ill. At this point the pain got worse. Then they gave me bed, gave me an IV and a nice big dose of morphine. Still, the pain persisted. So, considering my past surgical history, the Dr. thought that perhaps scarring was causing a blockage. So at 1am I had to have a CAT scan with the dreaded but ever popular enema. Just when you think you can’t feel any more miserable, well you do. It turns out the Dr. was right. It was a blockage. I ended up going home the next morning, where I slept and drank a lot of tea. I’m feeling so much better today and next week I have to talk to my primary physician about what the next step will be. More on this later.
So today I had an epiphany, but a very subtle one. All I remember about my 30’s was disappointment with regards to birthdays in general. In fact it could actually extend way beyond that. But today, on my actual birthday I did something radical for me; I spent the day alone. I canceled the dinner party I was going to have and all plans I had with other people. I freed myself I think. The end result, I am happy to say was that I was content today. It was a great day. I made myself happy. How funny that it never occurred to me that I really am the key to my own happiness. So I made myself as we call it in my house, “special dinner”. Perhaps like breathing with yoga or with life, once you focus on the stillness or the fact you’re just “being”, you realize so much.
the title of this post is from the song Born, Never Asked by Laurie Anderson. Thanks Laurie.
